ROPE

 Given enough time and rope, 

we all fashion our own nooses. 

The truth cannot hide forever; 

it too, 

in the end, 

always gives up its fruit. 

Have you blocked me yet, 

silenced the voice, 

cut it off at the root? 

Perhaps tomorrow… 

It didn’t matter; 

if I left it or if I retrieved it. 

I think you were already on your way out. 

Why am I locked in this perpetual goodby with everyone I meet? 

I wish you would stay. 

I don’t want to see you go… 

It’s just the present side effect of always saying the wrong thing at just the right time.

You seem so similar to myself, 

but I got lost in my head on my way to your front door. 

Now it’s locked, and I can’t find my way in.

Do you walk my tomb 

like a sentry waiting to see what crawls into the light? 

Nothing good lives in the depths of self-loathing. 

Deeds, not words; 

words quickly turn to ash with the turning of the day. 

It’s in the actions that we take that illuminate the true nature. 

The only one who could help me died. 

I’m only left with these dark eyes 

that wait for the bite in every kiss 

the knife in the back with each hug. 

I wasn’t trying to steal away your time; 

it was just nice talking to someone again. 

Words with meat on the bone, 

not the idle banter that so many pass as conversation. 

That is what my soul craves. 

Seeing You

The tase of acid at the back of the throat, 

was I just cheap heavy labor my only use to spend the day lifting the things you couldn’t; 

I wanted to be so much more. 

I saw the used dixie cup stack atop its carboard mantel frozen to the carpet beneath; 

all the signs of someone carrying a boulder beneath within their breast. 

Do you go and go without stop because when the wheels slow down the darkness catches up? 

I hoped that when you looked into my eyes you could see what I saw in yours; 

that deep desire wrapped in infinite possibilities 

was it the screen after the credits have rolled empty and waiting for the next movie to start, 

maybe something I can’t even fathom. 

I wanted to trade new beginnings, 

to crush the boulders in you, 

to spend my days chasing tomorrow in your eyes. 

I hate feeling stupid, 

wrong straight to the core; 

learning once again 

I know nothing. 

Feelings don’t die easily, 

even the unwanted hang on for dear life. 

It doesn’t matter what I say if you don’t have ears to hear. 

I’m sorry for your past scars that work to keep us so far from each other. 

So much time spent drowning beneath the ice you begin to think everyone is on the other side and looking back and don’t recognize when someone drowning next to you. 

I see you. 

Jacket

I wasn’t there for a cheeseburger and a tank of gas;

I wanted to empty myself.

But the words got lost in themselves,

Once again,

The head cheated the heart.

 

No more eggs into the empty basket;

Labored responses eat at my mind.

 

Will I be nothing more than an unwanted guest

Alone at the kitchen table,

Waiting for someone else’s meal to begin?

 

Ground shifts with each step,

Folding into itself like cards in a deck

To be shuffled again.

 

Bet the fear once more,

The safe bet that never loses.

 

Sit by the window

Wait for the reply that never comes.

Fold it up with hope

Stuff it back in the bottle;

With enough time and friction,

It becomes sea glass.

Sharp edges worn down.

 

When the heat is removed,

The warm interactions turn to mist

They escape on the breeze

That’s what happens when you let them cool.

 

A spark that never became a flame;

I hate feeling sadness for what never was.

I hate endings, but I dislike the one-way street even more.

 

Uncertainty breeds in the mind the same way mold grows,

Subtle at first,

Growing in the unseen corner

Then quickly consuming the whole thing.

 

I grow tired of this Monty Hall existence

Where objects in your review mirror

Appear worse than they once were.

 

I feel for the end but am left holding nothing,

Lost in the words that were never said,

Wrapped in my blanket of remorse,

Watching another sunrise of missed opportunities.

 

putrid

Who do you ask,

When it’s all spent;

Where do you go when there is nothing left…

 

Use it up like applesauce,

The eggs are all empty

The yoke blown away

Without even a spot of color for all the work.

 

Put them all in the same basket,

Keep eating defeat until you lose the tase for victory,

When the sun comes up tomorrow

It is just another day.

 

With time Indecision becomes decision,

Fears become reality,

Dreams drift away on the fiery winds from the burning wreckage within.

 

Do you take what you want,

Leave you friend on the mountain side,

Or do you abandon your goal and walk back down in defeat…

The mountain will be their tomorrow.

 

It spins like dice waiting to land,

The closed book,

The hard pass with a squeeze of lemon.

 

The sign out front tells you all you need to know,

It was pointless before your arrival,

The only change

The amount of light coming through the kitchen window.

 

It falls on you like the shadow after midday,

Growing until the tall lanky monster is all your left with.

 

Would haves,

Could haves,

Should haves

Mean nothing when reality is all your left with,

No going backwards,

Even when it won't let go.

 

Unwelcome

Choke down the last bits,

Let the mold hang in the mouth,

No time like the present,

Prepare for the impact before the fall.

 

Ride the edge between tomorrow and yesterday,

The slow farewell

Where nothing ever ends

Nothing truly begins.

 

A daily soft repeat,

At the finish you start again

Running backwards

With all the worst bits first.

 

You’ve lost your reflection

A family replaced with endless doors

All leading to empty questions

 A future of the slow release

Were each step forward

In reality two steps back.

 

A path leading nowhere

But it’s the nuance that keeps you coming back for more.

 

A lazy mind

Still looking for shapes in clouds

When all they hold are empty images

Lacking sound and unfit for the blind.

 

A winters chill in the middle of August

Starts in the chest moving out to the fingertips,

Fills the lungs with false hope.

 

It stats to lose its luster

When you realize that you’re the only one

Not peaking on your neighbors' hand.

 

Ignore thoughts the way ice does the cold,

Embrace what’s left,

The lesson doesn’t end,

The dead need to die,

The end is the beginning.