Slippery Slope

Out of step with the rest of the world, half a pace behind, just enough that you never stick the landing or nail the punch line. Mr. Destiny found his cross and died upon it. It was never mine, so it had to be returned once she left. You have both my heart and jacket; you can keep the other, but I would like the jacket back. The other stopped working and needs to be thrown out. I’m trying to give you something you don’t want, all the while asking for something you don’t want to give. I like you too much to want to be around you if you don’t want me to be. Maybe I fucked everything up. I usually do, but I wish I hadn’t. I’ll drop another message in a bottle, lean into the fantasy for another day, and spend another evening telling Wilson all my problems. In life, you’re either moving forward or sliding backward. You are the prettiest mirage I have ever chased. It may have been the wrong choice, but it felt good giving flowers to someone not on their deathbed, even if you will never know… 

Creature Feature

 Do you look back to see if I follow, 

Check the shadows for where I may be lurking. 

I hang on like the the impressions of a dream already forgotten 

Its the panic attack in a bottle 

just shake it up and see what comes out. 

The bend, bend, bend, 

lets see if you break,

the tight stretched skin never fit well 

it was someone else’s all along.   

The reflection that lets you know you could do so much better 

No more tiptoeing around the edge 

either you take the plunge 

or you walk away. 

All it took was flowers to rip the bandage free 

forcing everyones cads to the table. 

I chose the cold knife in the chest over the quite suffocation, 

I hate binary choices; 

they say one door close but another opens, 

what if those words are only the peanuts we feed ourselves as we spend our lives living beneath the boardwalk. 

gave the baby to the wrong mother and he was split in two.

 

ROPE

 Given enough time and rope, 

we all fashion our own nooses. 

The truth cannot hide forever; 

it too, 

in the end, 

always gives up its fruit. 

Have you blocked me yet, 

silenced the voice, 

cut it off at the root? 

Perhaps tomorrow… 

It didn’t matter; 

if I left it or if I retrieved it. 

I think you were already on your way out. 

Why am I locked in this perpetual goodby with everyone I meet? 

I wish you would stay. 

I don’t want to see you go… 

It’s just the present side effect of always saying the wrong thing at just the right time.

You seem so similar to myself, 

but I got lost in my head on my way to your front door. 

Now it’s locked, and I can’t find my way in.

Do you walk my tomb 

like a sentry waiting to see what crawls into the light? 

Nothing good lives in the depths of self-loathing. 

Deeds, not words; 

words quickly turn to ash with the turning of the day. 

It’s in the actions that we take that illuminate the true nature. 

The only one who could help me died. 

I’m only left with these dark eyes 

that wait for the bite in every kiss 

the knife in the back with each hug. 

I wasn’t trying to steal away your time; 

it was just nice talking to someone again. 

Words with meat on the bone, 

not the idle banter that so many pass as conversation. 

That is what my soul craves. 

Seeing You

The tase of acid at the back of the throat, 

was I just cheap heavy labor my only use to spend the day lifting the things you couldn’t; 

I wanted to be so much more. 

I saw the used dixie cup stack atop its carboard mantel frozen to the carpet beneath; 

all the signs of someone carrying a boulder beneath within their breast. 

Do you go and go without stop because when the wheels slow down the darkness catches up? 

I hoped that when you looked into my eyes you could see what I saw in yours; 

that deep desire wrapped in infinite possibilities 

was it the screen after the credits have rolled empty and waiting for the next movie to start, 

maybe something I can’t even fathom. 

I wanted to trade new beginnings, 

to crush the boulders in you, 

to spend my days chasing tomorrow in your eyes. 

I hate feeling stupid, 

wrong straight to the core; 

learning once again 

I know nothing. 

Feelings don’t die easily, 

even the unwanted hang on for dear life. 

It doesn’t matter what I say if you don’t have ears to hear. 

I’m sorry for your past scars that work to keep us so far from each other. 

So much time spent drowning beneath the ice you begin to think everyone is on the other side and looking back and don’t recognize when someone drowning next to you. 

I see you. 

Jacket

I wasn’t there for a cheeseburger and a tank of gas;

I wanted to empty myself.

But the words got lost in themselves,

Once again,

The head cheated the heart.

 

No more eggs into the empty basket;

Labored responses eat at my mind.

 

Will I be nothing more than an unwanted guest

Alone at the kitchen table,

Waiting for someone else’s meal to begin?

 

Ground shifts with each step,

Folding into itself like cards in a deck

To be shuffled again.

 

Bet the fear once more,

The safe bet that never loses.

 

Sit by the window

Wait for the reply that never comes.

Fold it up with hope

Stuff it back in the bottle;

With enough time and friction,

It becomes sea glass.

Sharp edges worn down.

 

When the heat is removed,

The warm interactions turn to mist

They escape on the breeze

That’s what happens when you let them cool.

 

A spark that never became a flame;

I hate feeling sadness for what never was.

I hate endings, but I dislike the one-way street even more.

 

Uncertainty breeds in the mind the same way mold grows,

Subtle at first,

Growing in the unseen corner

Then quickly consuming the whole thing.

 

I grow tired of this Monty Hall existence

Where objects in your review mirror

Appear worse than they once were.

 

I feel for the end but am left holding nothing,

Lost in the words that were never said,

Wrapped in my blanket of remorse,

Watching another sunrise of missed opportunities.